Good fences make good neighbors: why setting boundaries is the new leadership imperative
A client recently said, “I have virtual meetings from 8am-6pm, eat dinner, and work until late in the evening. Then I work on the weekend—I am totally fried.” Sound familiar? You’re not alone. We’re hearing this same concern from many of the leaders we advise whose organizations have gone virtual.
Without being able to connect with colleagues in the office, calendars are crammed. Formal meetings replace dropping in for a chat. Leaders squeeze in planning time late at night or the 30 seconds between video meetings. Ironically, even with so many meetings, leaders feel they are less in touch with their teams and lack the insight to know what is truly going on. And to top it off, being their best as a partner, parent, and friend, well… that’s reached an all-time low, too.
Unfortunately, this is one of the great challenges in our virtual world. A whole set of boundaries leaders previously relied on have been erased. The commute, decompression time between office and home, and the distance between the two are no longer a sanctuary. Home is the office and vice versa. One client recently told us that she misses her commute—something she said she could never have imagined saying a year ago.
And, with even more pressure on executives to increase revenue, execute strategy quickly, and reduce expenses, it is likely this division between work and home will become even blurrier.
Boundaries create needed structure for you and others
We know deep down that working this way isn’t sustainable for the long-term and yet it’s unclear now how much longer virtual will be the norm. Many companies are making decisions to eliminate traditional office space. After this pandemic is over, perhaps many will still be remote. This is why boundaries are more critical now than ever for executives. Using strategies to ensure you have ample planning and thinking time and to attend to important work relationships is critical for you to free up bandwidth to lead your team and focus on what’s most important to move your business in the right direction.
By treating your time as a highly valuable commodity, you’ll make the right choices to invest your time where it will yield the greatest return.
As Robert Frost wrote, “Good fences make good neighbors.”
Not only does setting productive boundaries create time for you; it enables you to be a better colleague by offering the opportunity for appropriate redirection to get things done even more quickly and efficiently without your involvement. With an already over-booked schedule, taking on multiple new requests daily simply slows down processes, creates a bottle neck for others, and layers on additional stress for you.
On the other hand, establishing productive boundaries creates value added focus, strong partnerships, and bridges silos while advancing the business and your team.
You’ll be able to respond to requests by providing even better ways to accomplish the objective. Others will begin to see you as a strong sounding board and as a thought partner. They will know they can count on you to share your perspective to get things done most effectively and efficiently. If this is your intention, any reluctance to be a good steward of your own time is to your detriment.
This may sound counterintuitive. After all, setting boundaries often implies a lack of cooperation or collegiality. However, many leaders who employ the right boundaries tell us these fences benefiteveryone by fostering the right progress on important strategies.
Most people have a hard time saying no. We want to be seen as a team player and being asked to help often equates to being valued. However, too often our performance is diminished by fragmenting our efforts across too many domains. By taking on more, we end up doing less.
So how do you set effective boundaries?
As requests come in, quickly analyze whether taking on the task is a smart use of your limited energy and time. Ask yourself these three tough questions:
- Is my participation necessary? If not, whose is?
- Is it necessary now? If not, what is the right timing?
- Is this the optimal way to do this project? If not, what is the best way?
If you answer ‘no’ to any of these three, re-direct the effort in a way that makes better business sense. By saying ‘no’ while offering a solution, you will be considered a collaborative thought partner. Use one of these three phrases:
No, not…
- …me: You acknowledge the work needs to be done and, while saying you’re not the person to do the work, you are recommending the right resource.
- …now: You recognize that time is often the scarcest resource and that, if your direct involvement is critical, you are opening the door to a mutually agreeable timeline.
- …this way: While you value the outcome the other party is seeking, you are collaborating on an approach that may be more efficient or effective.
If saying ‘no’ feels uncomfortable, a ‘yes, if…’ phrase is a positive alternative to create the same boundaries:Yes, if…
- …someone else does it: Recommend someone who is a viable replacement for you, perhaps someone who could use some exposure or for whom it can be a beneficial learning opportunity.
- …we adjust the timing: Offer timing that will work for you and the business.
- …we structure it differently: Suggest a way to reach the end goal that is equally or more effective and works for you.
The outcome: good fences and better outcomes
Building strong fences enables you to become an important solution rather than a bottleneck. You become the proverbial good neighbor to your colleagues and the enterprise. And most importantly, you begin to clear valuable pockets on your calendar for your most important focus.
The best leaders set aside thinking and preparation time, honor it, and use it wisely. Don’t you owe it to yourself, and everyone else, to create boundaries that enable you and your organization to thrive?
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Last night I started reading a book by Irvin Yalom, a psychiatrist who has written several novels that I’ve loved. But right now I’m reading something different—a book of short lessons he’s learned from many years of working with patients.
Early in his career, Yalom was inspired by something he read. The gist of it was that all people have a natural tendency to want to grow and become fulfilled—just an acorn will grow up to become an oak—as long as there are no obstacles in the way. So the job of the psychotherapist was to eliminate the obstacles to growth.
This was a eureka moment for Yalom. At the time, he was treating a young widow. Suffering through grief for a long while, she wanted help because she had a “failed heart”—an inability ever to love again.
Yalom had felt overwhelmed. How could he possibly change someone’s inability to love? But now he looked at it differently. He could dedicate himself to identifying and eliminating the obstacles that kept her from loving.
So they worked on that—her feelings of disloyalty to her late husband, her sense that she was somehow responsible for his death, and the fear of loss that falling in love again would mean. Eventually they eliminated all of the obstacles. Then her natural ability to love—and grow—returned. She remarried.
Reading this story made me think of the responsibility of leaders toward the people they need to develop—and for the growth and learning that leaders themselves require to be the best that they can be.
Many leadership development challenges seem overwhelming—even impossible. The leaders that we coach usually have a list of areas where they want to get better, but how? How do you “build better relationships with your peers and direct reports”? How are you supposed to “get out of the weeds and demonstrate enterprise-wide thinking” or “build executive presence”? All of these goals are as abstract as they are huge.
So the best approach is to not focus on the huge and fuzzy goal. What we try to do is to break these goals down into concrete actions through working on real-time business problems. To put it simply, though, we do just as Yalom does: We identify the obstacles and work toward knocking them off, one at a time.
Leadership development is not usually a quick fix. You’re not going to develop executive presence through a half-day workshop or a one-time meeting. If you’re interested in meaningful, lasting growth—whether for yourself or for those who work for you—it’s a commitment.
But don’t ever forget that we’re all capable of growth throughout life and our careers. The trick is to find the right coach or mentor who will guide you through that obstacle course.
In my work as an executive coach, I meet at least once a month with each of my coaching clients.
I often talk to them on the phone and exchange emails with them as we work on their real-time business challenges. So, what happens in those conversations? Recurring themes start to come up. I find that many leaders have a “talk track” of words and phrases that they use all the time—without always being aware of the impact. For better or worse, this talk track ends up becoming part of their executive presence and their brand as a leader.
One of my clients had a talk track for many years that led to a reputation for negativity. In one meeting alone, I noticed that he had described about ten different work experiences as “nightmares.” Strong word! So we talked about this talk track. And the next time I heard him lapse into that way of talking, I decided to delve into it. “What I just heard from you was an example of that ‘talk track’ we’ve talked about,” I said. “So let’s talk about this. You say it was a ‘nightmare.’ Okay—why do you call it a nightmare?”
The upshot was that he had made a sales presentation but didn’t get the deal. I said, “Let’s use accurate language to describe the situation.” Was it a nightmare? No. Maybe it was a disappointment. Maybe he could have said, “Unfortunately, we didn’t get the deal” or “They decided to go with another vendor” and state why, objectively. My goal was to get him to stop “catastrophizing” when something didn’t work out.
This leader didn’t want to be defined by that negative “talk track” anymore. So I told him that the only way to do that is to turn up the volume on a very different talk track—one that captures the brand and presence that you want to project.
I’ve had clients who always talked about how difficult or challenging or complex things seemed to them. You’ve probably had a boss or colleague with any number of talk-track themes:
- “I’m so exhausted/overwhelmed/unhappy/unappreciated….”
- “Everyone here is useless/stupid/incompetent….”
- “It’s such a difficult environment/project/client/travel schedule…”
- “That will never work/We won’t get that deal/It’s a dumb idea/What were they thinking?”
Often people aren’t even aware of how much they harp on a conversational theme and how negatively this lack of executive presence is affecting their professional brand. So what can you do to make sure your talk track is working for you and not against you as a leader? Take these four steps:
1. Identify your talk-track themes.
What are the words and phrases that you find yourself constantly using in conversations at work? Write down the things you seem to say almost every day—or think about what themes come up all the time for you in conversation at work or elsewhere.
2. Consider the impact of your talk track.
As a leader, your words carry more weight than others. You’re setting the tone for your team or division or organization. Whether that tone is absurdly optimistic, cynical, critical, upbeat, energized, or overly emotional, it’s going to be the model for others. Make sure that your talk track is consistent with the values and behaviors you want to drive.
3. Challenge the reality of your talk track.
How accurate is your talk track? Do you have a natural tendency to see the part of the glass that’s empty? How do you respond to setbacks? Do you gloss over the pain? Do you make a mountain out of a molehill? It’s crucial for leaders to be balanced, objective, and real about what’s happening. Your language choices need to reflect that.
4. Consider what you could say differently.
It’s easy to lapse into your talk track. When you catch yourself saying the same old things, try to catch yourself as if an alarm was going off. Can you find another way to say it—something that’s consistent with the brand and presence you want to project.
Don’t get me wrong. Leaders do need to be “real” about challenges and setbacks, and a somber tone may be appropriate and even helpful at times. The goal is to become more aware of your talk track and what it’s doing for you and others. As a leader, people take their cues from you. Before you know it, your talk track can dominate or drive the culture.
Changing your talk track is a challenge. Our ways of talking and viewing the world are pretty ingrained through several decades of life experiences. But change is also very possible. Pump up the volume on a more positive talk track for the holidays, and your presence will be viewed as a gift.
A while back, I heard an anecdote on the radio about cellist Yo-Yo Ma, and it really struck me. Surprisingly, Ma said that once of his biggest inspirations was chef, author, and television personality Julia Child.
Huh?! Well, it turns out that thinking about Julia Child helped him get in the right mindset before a performance. He would think about watching her on television, making a roast chicken that looked beautiful—only to have it fall off the plate and onto the floor. Did she flip out? No, she never stopped smiling. She just acknowledged what happened and went on with the show.
Reflecting on this, Ma realized that the best mindset he could have as a performer was to ensure that his audience was having a good experience—rather than worrying about being perfect. Speaking to the St. Louis Post Dispatch last October, he said, “The idea of performing is hosting. It’s like you’re giving a party. You invite people to come to a place and enjoy something special; basically, they’re subject to whatever you dish out. You want them to have a great time, they want to have a great time, and what are you doing to facilitate that?”
In a Malcolm Gladwell article that I read years ago, Yo-Yo Ma also admitted that he used to strive for perfection in performance. When he was 17, he practiced a Brahms sonata for a year with technical perfection in mind. So what happened when he did that? “In the middle of the performance I thought, I’m bored. It would have been nothing for me to get up from the stage and walk away. That’s when I decided I would always opt for expression over perfection.
”There is a valuable lesson here for executive presentations. In my experience, many leaders worry too much about precision when they present. Aiming for total accuracy, it’s easy to end up with text-heavy PowerPoint slides—and far too many of them. And once you have a ton of bullets on a slide, you usually feel compelled to read them all. At best, slides still tend to distract the audience’s energy away from you—and the presentation is really all about you, not your visuals.
Think about it: What would you rather be able to say at the end of your presentation?
- I covered every point perfectly and spoke without a single stumble.
- I connected deeply with the audience, and I could sense that they were completely engaged with my presentation.
It’s a no-brainer, isn’t it? If you’re able to really connect with your audience’s questions, concerns, and needs, they won’t even notice if the imperfections that jump out to you as the expert.
Of course, there’s a catch here. Connection trumps precision… but the more you master your topic through preparation and practice, the more you’re freed up to focus on connecting with the audience. When you don’t have to work to remember your key points and transitions, you can concentrate more on your eye contact, gestures, and reading the room.
So give some thought to drawing some inspiration from Julia Child, just as Yo-Yo Ma does as a concert performer. When you’re giving a speech, you’re the host, and your job is to set the tone and make sure that everyone has a good experience.
That’s a recipe for a successful presentation.
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En todos los sectores, la seguridad está experimentando un cambio estructural. Lo que antes se gestionaba principalmente como una función de cumplimiento o una métrica de desempeño se entiende cada vez más como un reflejo de cómo las organizaciones están diseñadas, lideradas y mejoradas de forma continua.
En entornos complejos y de alto riesgo, la seguridad no se logra únicamente mediante un mayor control o programas adicionales. Surge de la interacción entre el comportamiento del liderazgo, el diseño operativo, los entornos de decisión y la capacidad de la organización para aprender y adaptarse.
Basándonos en la ciencia global de la seguridad, el enfoque de Human & Organizational Performance (HOP), la investigación sobre seguridad psicológica y nuestra experiencia en transformación en múltiples industrias, identificamos ocho cambios clave que están definiendo la próxima evolución de la cultura de seguridad.
1. La seguridad como valor organizacional central
La seguridad está dejando de tratarse como una prioridad cambiante. Las prioridades compiten. Los valores guían.
Cuando la seguridad se convierte en un valor central, influye en la toma de decisiones, en los compromisos bajo presión, en la planificación operativa y en la asignación de recursos. La seguridad pasa a ser una consecuencia natural de cómo funciona el sistema, en lugar de una iniciativa añadida a la producción.
Este cambio también redefine el rol de las funciones de seguridad: de supervisar el cumplimiento a habilitar un desempeño seguro y sostenible.
2. El aprendizaje como disciplina operativa
Las organizaciones están integrando el aprendizaje continuo en las operaciones diarias. En lugar de centrarse solo en lo que falló, exploran señales débiles, casi accidentes, fricciones operativas y adaptaciones exitosas.
El aprendizaje se convierte en una capacidad clave que acelera la generación de insights, fortalece la resiliencia y mejora la calidad de las decisiones.
3. Responsabilidad del liderazgo en todos los niveles
La cultura de seguridad se reconoce cada vez más como una capacidad de liderazgo, no solo como responsabilidad del área de HSE.
- Los directivos marcan la dirección y el tono.
- Los mandos intermedios traducen las expectativas en decisiones operativas.
- Los supervisores configuran el entorno de decisiones del día a día.
Las organizaciones exitosas convierten las expectativas de seguridad en comportamientos concretos de liderazgo y rutinas diarias, generando claridad y alineación entre niveles.
4. La seguridad psicológica como infraestructura
Una cultura de seguridad sólida depende de entornos donde las personas se sientan seguras para hablar.
Cuando los empleados perciben seguridad psicológica, las señales débiles emergen antes, los riesgos se discuten abiertamente y el aprendizaje se acelera.
La seguridad psicológica es una infraestructura operativa, no un tema “blando”.
5. Amplificar lo que funciona
Existe un reconocimiento creciente de que la mayor parte del trabajo se realiza de forma segura, a menudo en condiciones variables.
Estudiar el éxito revela la capacidad adaptativa y fortalece la resiliencia. Esto complementa el análisis tradicional de incidentes al reforzar la experiencia y la confianza.
6. Alinear el trabajo “imaginado” con el trabajo “real”
Los procedimientos y planes rara vez capturan perfectamente la complejidad operativa.
Las organizaciones líderes reducen la brecha entre políticas y realidad operativa incorporando la perspectiva del personal de primera línea y empoderando la autoridad para detener el trabajo.
El objetivo es una mejor alineación entre diseño y ejecución.
7. Diseñar para la toma de decisiones humana
Los incidentes suelen derivarse de sesgos cognitivos predecibles como la normalización de la desviación, el sesgo hacia la producción, el exceso de confianza y el sesgo retrospectivo.
Reconocer estas trampas en la toma de decisiones desplaza el enfoque de culpar a las personas hacia fortalecer los entornos de decisión.
8. La evolución cultural como capacidad a largo plazo
Una cultura de seguridad sostenible requiere integración en lugar de reinvención, desarrollo estructurado de capacidades en lugar de programas puntuales y medición del impacto conductual en lugar de métricas de actividad.
Las organizaciones que tienen éxito:
- Integran la seguridad en los sistemas existentes de liderazgo y operación
- Diseñan itinerarios de aprendizaje que apoyan la aplicación en el día a día
- Miden el cambio de comportamiento y los resultados operativos
- Refuerzan el progreso de manera consistente en el tiempo
La evolución cultural es un compromiso sostenido con la alineación del sistema y el desarrollo de capacidades.
Conclusión
La evolución de la cultura de seguridad trata menos de añadir controles y más de fortalecer sistemas.
La seguridad es algo que las organizaciones producen: a través de la claridad del liderazgo, el diseño operativo, la seguridad psicológica y el aprendizaje continuo.
Quienes integren estas capacidades de forma consistente no solo reducirán riesgos. Construirán organizaciones más resilientes, sostenibles y de alto desempeño.
Sources & references:
- WorldSteel Association. Safety Culture & Leadership Fundamentals.
- Norsk Industri (2025). Safety Leadership and Learning: A Practical Guide to HOP.
- D. Parker et al. / Safety Science 44 (2006). Development of Organisational Safety Culture
- Hollnagel, E. (2014). Safety-I and Safety-II: The Past and Future of Safety Management.
- Hollnagel, E. (2018). Safety-II in Practice: Developing the Resilience Potentials.
- Conklin, T. (2012). Pre-Accident Investigations: An Introduction to Organizational Safety.
- Edmondson, A. (2018). The Fearless Organizations
- Reason, J. (1997). Managing the Risks of Organizational Accidents.
- Resilience Engineering research (Hollnagel,Woods, Leveson and others).
Across industries, safety is undergoing a structural shift. What was once managed primarily as a compliance function or performance metricis increasingly understood as a reflection of how organizations are designed, led and continuously improved.
In complex and high-risk environments, safety is notachieved through stronger enforcement or additional programs alone. It emerges from the interaction between leadership behavior, operational design, decision environments and the organization’s capacity to learn and adapt.
Drawing on global safety science, Human & Organizational Performance (HOP), research on psychological safety, and our cross-industry transformation experience, eight key shifts are shaping the next evolution of safety culture.
1. Safety as a Core Organizational Value
Safety is moving beyond being treated as a shifting priority. Priorities compete. Values guide.
When safety becomes a core organizational value, it shapes decision-making, trade-offs under pressure, operational planning and resourceallocation. Safety becomes the natural consequence of how the system operates,rather than a campaign layered on top of production.
This shift also redefines the role of safety functions, from compliance policing to enabling safe and sustainable performance.
2. Learning as an Operating Discipline
Organizations are embedding continuous learning into everyday operations. Rather than focusing only on what failed, they exploreweak signals, near misses, operational friction and successful adaptations.
Learning becomes a core capability, accelerating insight, strengthening resilience and improving decision quality.
3. Leadership Ownership at All Levels
Safety culture is increasingly recognized as a leadership capability, not solely an HSE responsibility.
Executives define direction and tone.
Middle managers translate expectations into operational decisions.
Supervisors shape the daily decision environment.
Successful organizations translate safety expectations into concrete leadership behaviors and daily routines, creating clarity and alignment across levels.
4. Psychological Safety as Infrastructure
A strong safety culture depends on speaking-up environments.
When employees feel psychologically safe, weak signals surface earlier, risk trade-offs are openly discussed and learning accelerates.
Psychological safety is operational infrastructure , not a soft topic.
5. Amplifying What Works
There is growing recognition that most work is completed safely, often under variable conditions.
Studying success reveals adaptive capacity and strengthens resilience. This complements traditional incident analysis by reinforcing expertise and confidence.
6. Aligning Work-as-Imagined and Work-as-Done
Procedures and plans rarely capture operational complexity perfectly.
Leading organizations reduce the gap between policies and operational reality by inviting front line input and empowering stop-work authority.
The goal is better alignment between design and execution.
7. Designing for Human Decision-Making
Incidents often stem from predictable cognitive biases such as normalization of deviance, production bias, overconfidence and hindsight bias.
Recognizing these decision traps shifts focus from blaming individuals to strengthening decision environments.
8. Cultural Evolution as a Long-Term Capability
Sustainable safety culture requires integration rather than reinvention, structured capability journeys rather than one-off programs, and measurable behavioral impact rather than activity metrics.
Organizations that succeed:
- Integrate safety into existing leadership and operational systems
- Design earning journeys that support day-to-day application
- Measure behavioral change and operational outcomes
- Reinforce progress consistently over time
Cultural evolution is a sustained commitment to system alignment and capability building.
Conclusion
The evolution of safety culture is less about adding controls and more about strengthening systems.
Safety is something organizations produce — through leadership clarity, operational design, psychological safety and continuous learning.
Those who embed these capabilities consistently will not only reduce risk. They will build more resilient, sustainable and high-performing organizations.
Sources & references:
- WorldSteel Association. Safety Culture & Leadership Fundamentals.
- Norsk Industri (2025). Safety Leadership and Learning: A Practical Guide to HOP.
- D. Parker et al. / Safety Science 44 (2006). Development of Organisational Safety Culture
- Hollnagel, E. (2014). Safety-I and Safety-II: The Past and Future of Safety Management.
- Hollnagel, E. (2018). Safety-II in Practice: Developing the Resilience Potentials.
- Conklin, T. (2012). Pre-Accident Investigations: An Introduction to Organizational Safety.
- Edmondson, A. (2018). The Fearless Organizations
- Reason, J. (1997). Managing the Risks of Organizational Accidents.
- Resilience Engineering research (Hollnagel,Woods, Leveson and others).
Most sales meetings don’t fail.
They just don’t lead to a decision.
And that’s where value is lost.
Today’s customers are more informed, more selective, and more time-poor.
They don’t need more product pitches.
They need conversations that help them prioritize, decide, and move forward.
And yet, 58% of sales meetings fail to create real value.
Not because sellers lack capability, but because conversations are not designed to move decisions forward.
“Customers don’t act on every need they recognize.
They act when something becomes a priority.”
In this short executive brief, you’ll discover:
- Why most conversations inform… but don’t drive action
- What actually makes customers prioritize and move
- How to create urgency without damaging trust
- The shift from presenting solutions to enabling decisions
- What separates conversations that stall from those that accelerate momentum
If your teams are experiencing stalled deals, delayed decisions, or slow pipeline movement, this brief will help you understand why, and what to do differently.
Download the Executive Brief and learn how to design conversations that actually move decisions forward