Why connection trumps precision in executive presentations

Last night I started reading a book by Irvin Yalom, a psychiatrist who has written several novels that I’ve loved. But right now I’m reading something different—a book of short lessons he’s learned from many years of working with patients.

Early in his career, Yalom was inspired by something he read. The gist of it was that all people have a natural tendency to want to grow and become fulfilled—just an acorn will grow up to become an oak—as long as there are no obstacles in the way. So the job of the psychotherapist was to eliminate the obstacles to growth.

This was a eureka moment for Yalom. At the time, he was treating a young widow. Suffering through grief for a long while, she wanted help because she had a “failed heart”—an inability ever to love again.

Yalom had felt overwhelmed.  How could he possibly change someone’s inability to love?  But now he looked at it differently.  He could dedicate himself to identifying and eliminating the obstacles that kept her from loving.

So they worked on that—her feelings of disloyalty to her late husband, her sense that she was somehow responsible for his death, and the fear of loss that falling in love again would mean. Eventually they eliminated all of the obstacles. Then her natural ability to love—and grow—returned. She remarried.

Reading this story made me think of the responsibility of leaders toward the people they need to develop—and for the growth and learning that leaders themselves require to be the best that they can be.

Many leadership development challenges seem overwhelming—even impossible. The leaders that we coach usually have a list of areas where they want to get better, but how?  How do you “build better relationships with your peers and direct reports”?  How are you supposed to “get out of the weeds and demonstrate enterprise-wide thinking” or “build executive presence”?  All of these goals are as abstract as they are huge.

So the best approach is to not focus on the huge and fuzzy goal.  What we try to do is to break these goals down into concrete actions through working on real-time business problems. To put it simply, though, we do just as Yalom does: We identify the obstacles and work toward knocking them off, one at a time.

Leadership development is not usually a quick fix. You’re not going to develop executive presence through a half-day workshop or a one-time meeting.  If you’re interested in meaningful, lasting growth—whether for yourself or for those who work for you—it’s a commitment.

But don’t ever forget that we’re all capable of growth throughout life and our careers. The trick is to find the right coach or mentor who will guide you through that obstacle course.

‍

In my work as an executive coach, I meet at least once a month with each of my coaching clients.

I often talk to them on the phone and exchange emails with them as we work on their real-time business challenges. So, what happens in those conversations? Recurring themes start to come up. I find that many leaders  have a “talk track” of words and phrases that they use all the time—without always being aware of the impact. For better or worse, this talk track ends up becoming part of their executive presence and their brand as a leader.

One of my clients had a talk track for many years that led to a reputation for negativity. In one meeting alone, I noticed that he had described about ten different work experiences as “nightmares.” Strong word! So we talked about this talk track. And the next time I heard him lapse into that way of talking, I decided to delve into it. “What I just heard from you was an example of that ‘talk track’ we’ve talked about,” I said. “So let’s talk about this. You say it was a ‘nightmare.’  Okay—why do you call it a nightmare?”

The upshot was that he had made a sales presentation but didn’t get the deal. I said, “Let’s use accurate language to describe the situation.” Was it a nightmare? No. Maybe it was a disappointment. Maybe he could have said, “Unfortunately, we didn’t get the deal” or “They decided to go with another vendor” and state why, objectively. My goal was to get him to stop “catastrophizing” when something didn’t work out.

This leader didn’t want to be defined by that negative “talk track” anymore. So I told him that the only way to do that is to turn up the volume on a very different talk track—one that captures the brand and presence that you want to project.

I’ve had clients who always talked about how difficult or challenging or complex things seemed to them.  You’ve probably had a boss or colleague with any number of talk-track themes:

• “I’m so exhausted/overwhelmed/unhappy/unappreciated….”
• “Everyone here is useless/stupid/incompetent….”
• “It’s such a difficult environment/project/client/travel schedule…”
• “That will never work/We won’t get that deal/It’s a dumb idea/What were they thinking?”

Often people aren’t even aware of how much they harp on a conversational theme and how negatively this lack of executive presence is affecting their professional brand. So what can you do to make sure your talk track is working for you and not against you as a leader? Take these four steps:

1. Identify your talk-track themes.

What are the words and phrases that you find yourself constantly using in conversations at work? Write down the things you seem to say almost every day—or think about what themes come up all the time for you in conversation at work or elsewhere.

2. Consider the impact of your talk track.

As a leader, your words carry more weight than others.  You’re setting the tone for your team or division or organization.  Whether that tone is absurdly optimistic, cynical, critical, upbeat, energized, or overly emotional, it’s going to be the model for others. Make sure that your talk track is consistent with the values and behaviors you want to drive.

3. Challenge the reality of your talk track.

How accurate is your talk track?  Do you have a natural tendency to see the part of the glass that’s empty?  How do you respond to setbacks?  Do you gloss over the pain?  Do you make a mountain out of a molehill?  It’s crucial for leaders to be balanced, objective, and real about what’s happening.  Your language choices need to reflect that.

4. Consider what you could say differently.

It’s easy to lapse into your talk track.  When you catch yourself saying the same old things, try to catch yourself as if an alarm was going off.  Can you find another way to say it—something that’s consistent with the brand and presence you want to project.

Don’t get me wrong.  Leaders do need to be “real” about challenges and setbacks, and a somber tone may be appropriate and even helpful at times.  The goal is to become more aware of your talk track and what it’s doing for you and others.  As a leader, people take their cues from you.  Before you know it, your talk track can dominate or drive the culture.

Changing your talk track is a challenge. Our ways of talking and viewing the world are pretty ingrained through several decades of life experiences. But change is also very possible. Pump up the volume on a more positive talk track for the holidays, and your presence will be viewed as a gift.

‍

Only 9% percent of people who set New Year's goals actually achieve them, according to research by the University of Scranton. According to U.S. News, approximately 80% of resolutions fail by the second week of February. Whichever source you believe, the odds are not in favor of sticking to New Year’s Resolutions.

Whether it’s time, resources, competing priorities, or over-committing, there are plenty of challenges that get in the way of sticking to plans to advance or to improve aspects of your life over the course of the year. It’s not surprising that many of the leaders we work with fall prey to these same obstacles when it comes to finding the time and energy to invest consistently in their own growth and development when they have so much on their plates.

With that in mind, here are a handful of ideas to help you stick to your goals and maintain your focus for the next 12 months -tips that have resonated with the leaders I coached last year:

‍Make sure your goals are not an unsustainable death march

‍Every January, my wife and I chuckle about how crowded the gym is. “Just wait,” we’ll say. “All of the New Year’s Resolution people will drop off within a month or so.” And they do. Why? My view is that people tend to make unrealistic, unsustainable goals for themselves. If you start off the year vowing that you’re going to work out an hour every day or eat nothing but salad for lunch and dinner without fail, you’ve probably set out on a death march. And if that’s how it feels, you’ll give it up pretty fast. Instead, decide what’s realistic, and then stick to it, barring something as extreme as a hospitalization or an overseas flight.

‍Commit to trying out new behaviors for two months

‍Research suggests that it takes a while for a new habit to stick. I met with a mentee the other day who really needs to change up some habits around exercise and work breaks. My advice was to set that realistic goal and commit to it 100%--but only through February. At that point, she could allow herself to reflect on tweaking her routines… and in the meantime, she’s probably done some things long enough to turn them into habits.

‍Remember that energy starts with great sleep habits

‍Due to one obstacle described to me often by leaders trying to elevate their effectiveness, I read a good book this year called The Sleep Solution: Why Your Sleep is Broken and How to Fix it? by W. Chris Winter, MD. I used to get sick a couple of times a year, and finally realized that it happened when I overdid it at work, got a little ill… and then kept overdoing it. I stopped, learned to get extra sleep when I got run down, and I haven’t had a sick day in my seven years at Bates.

Here are some great tips from that book:

• Try to wake up at the same time every day to get in a good sleep rhythm
• Exercise in the morning: It’s best for most people’s energy
• Avoid looking at screens an hour before bed time—or use a blue light filter if you must
• Make your room as dark as possible, and, especially, don’t sleep with the TV on!
• Commit to the number of hours of sleep you need each night: Catching up on the weekend doesn’t really work

Stop deciding every day whether or not you will exercise

‍This one changed my life about 18 months ago. My wife and I wanted to lose some weight, so we started with a sustainable micro-goal: “Let’s do what it takes to not GAIN any weight each week!” To make sure I could hit that goal, I vowed to work out six days a week, 30 minutes minimum. Through this schedule and a few dietary tweaks, I lost 18 pounds in six months.

The key was I realized that I had developed a terrible habit: lying in bed each morning, deciding if I would go to the gym. I would mull how well I slept… whether I had a tickle in my throat, and so on, and then I was sunk. Instead, I now put my gym clothes, keys, and gym ID in the bathroom before I go to sleep.  When I wake up, I just get dressed and get out the door, and before you know it I’m done with my daily commitment.

‍Load the deck in your favor when planning when to do what each day

‍Everyone’s energy is a little different over the course of the day. Some start the day with a full tank of energy, and it depletes as the day goes on. I start out strong, wane in the early afternoon, and bounce back energetically from 3 until 6 PM. As a result, I try to be intentional about when I do various kinds of work. If I have some cognitive heavy lifting to do, I try to do it early or late. In the early afternoon, I may opt for a walking meeting, answering emails, or building a program in PowerPoint—things that I can do without a high level of energy.

Give some thought to what works best at whatever time of the day, and schedule yourself accordingly.

‍Periodically review what you should keep doing and what you should give up

‍Frequently, leaders continue doing tasks and attending meetings long after they should have delegated the work or opted out of participating. Periodically, make two lists: the stuff that you should continue doing and the stuff that you should consider giving up or giving away. As you rise in the organization, you will get noticed for having more of an enterprise-wide view. To have that, you need to get out of the weeds.

‍Determine what you need to do to bring your best self to work every day

‍Everyone varies when it comes to how many hours they can work and how much downtime they need—as well as what they need to do during that time away from work. Every quarter or so, evaluate how energized you feel and keep tabs on what’s happening in weeks when your energy is high or low. If you’re starting off Monday morning feeling tired and stressed, something’s wrong.

So, what do you need to do to bring your best self to work each day? That’s something that only you can figure out.

For me, it’s helpful to think of Saturday as a “no work day,” and I try to limit work on Sundays too. From making all sorts of energy management mistakes over the years, I also have come to realize that I’m not at my best if:

• I don’t eat a substantial breakfast
• I’m eating carb-heavy lunches
• I’m not making sufficient time for my family, friends, and hobbies outside of work
• I’m consuming more than one drink of alcohol on a night before a workday
• I’m not making sufficient time for my family, friends, and hobbies outside of work

Meaningful, lasting change is never easy. Whether you’re mulling a New Year’s Resolution or a behavioral change at any time of the year, think about what you want to do, why it matters, and how you’re going to sustain it over the long haul.

If you do, you’ll be feeling a lot better by the time the ball drops on another new year.

La maggior parte delle riunioni di vendita non fallisce.
Semplicemente non porta a una decisione.

Ed è lì che si perde valore.

I clienti di oggi sono più informati, più selettivi e hanno meno tempo.
Non hanno bisogno di altre presentazioni di prodotto.
‍
Hanno bisogno di conversazioni che li aiutino a stabilire le priorità, decidere e andare avanti.

Eppure, il 58% delle riunioni di vendita non riesce a creare valore reale.
Non perché i venditori manchino di capacità, ma perché le conversazioni non sono progettate per far avanzare le decisioni.

“I clienti non agiscono su ogni esigenza che riconoscono.
Agiscono quando qualcosa diventa una priorità.”

In questo breve executive brief scoprirai:

• Perché la maggior parte delle conversazioni informa… ma non porta all’azione
• Cosa spinge davvero i clienti a stabilire priorità e muoversi
• Come creare urgenza senza compromettere la fiducia
• Il passaggio dal presentare soluzioni al facilitare decisioni
• Cosa distingue le conversazioni che si bloccano da quelle che accelerano il progresso

Se i tuoi team stanno affrontando trattative bloccate, decisioni ritardate o un pipeline lento, questo brief ti aiuterà a capire il perché e cosa fare in modo diverso.

Scarica l’executive brief e scopri come progettare conversazioni che portano davvero a decisioni.

A maioria das reuniões de vendas não fracassa.
Elas simplesmente não levam a uma decisão.

E é aí que o valor se perde.

Os clientes de hoje estão mais informados, mais seletivos e com menos tempo.
‍
Eles não precisam de mais apresentações de produto.
Precisam de conversas que os ajudem a priorizar, decidir e avançar.

Ainda assim, 58% das reuniões de vendas não conseguem gerar valor real.
‍
Não porque os vendedores não tenham capacidade, mas porque as conversas não são desenhadas para impulsionar decisões.

“Os clientes não agem sobre todas as necessidades que reconhecem.
Eles agem quando algo se torna prioridade.”

Neste breve material executivo, você vai descobrir:

• Por que a maioria das conversas informa… mas não gera ação
• O que realmente faz os clientes priorizarem e avançarem
• Como criar urgência sem prejudicar a confiança
• A mudança de apresentar soluções para viabilizar decisões
• O que diferencia conversas que estagnam daquelas que aceleram o progresso

Se suas equipes estão enfrentando negócios estagnados, decisões atrasadas ou um pipeline lento, este material vai ajudar você a entender o porquê — e o que fazer de diferente.

Baixe o material executivo e aprenda como desenhar conversas que realmente impulsionam decisões.

La mayoría de las reuniones de ventas no fracasan.
Simplemente no llevan a una decisión.

Y ahí es donde se pierde el valor.

Los clientes de hoy están más informados, son más selectivos y tienen menos tiempo.
‍
No necesitan más presentaciones de producto.
Necesitan conversaciones que les ayuden a priorizar, decidir y avanzar.

Y, sin embargo, el 58% de las reuniones de ventas no logra generar un valor real.
‍‍
No porque los vendedores carezcan de capacidad, sino porque las conversaciones no están diseñadas para impulsar decisiones.

“Los clientes no actúan sobre cada necesidad que reconocen.
Actúan cuando algo se convierte en una prioridad.”

En este breve informe ejecutivo descubrirás:

Por qué la mayoría de las conversaciones informan… pero no generan acción

• Qué es lo que realmente hace que los clientes prioricen y avancen
• Cómo crear urgencia sin dañar la confianza
• El cambio de presentar soluciones a facilitar decisiones
• Qué diferencia a las conversaciones que se estancan de las que aceleran el avance

Si tus equipos están experimentando acuerdos estancados, decisiones retrasadas o un pipeline lento, este informe te ayudará a entender por qué y qué hacer diferente.

Descarga el informe ejecutivo y aprende a diseñar conversaciones que realmente impulsen decisiones.